Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Samar Vijay Sonone: A Valentine date, The Facebook and a girl goes nut...: This is word to word documentation of my first Valentine date to the best of my recollection which ended 2 hours ago(some of the trivial ...
This is word to word documentation of my first Valentine date to the best of my recollection which ended 2 hours ago(some of the trivial details will get lost as I try to keep it short and relevant). It has left me completely flabbergasted, horrified and maybe even permanently emotionally scarred. Now I have had bad dates before but this is by far not just my worst date ever but might be the worst ever for the majority of humans on earth. It took place at the finest hotel in city at its most expensive restaurant with a girl that my parents have selected for me(it’s a arranged marriage scenario, which are suppose to be safe). Although this is my first valentines date this is by far not my 1st . I have been regularly going out with girls ever since my allowance money allowed it and until later I learned you don’t really need to pay for one. Its just that I have never gone out with a girl on Valentine’s day so this is a bit of a big deal for me. I am not allowed to date or have a “girlfriend” by my parents. No doubts about it, they have used the exact same words every time over past 15 years. Now about the date……..
The original story starts 3 days back as my parents(together in a weird manner) inform me that I would be taking Misty( I am not gonna take real names in this notes) out on a dinner date on Valentine’s day. The funny thing about this is that although they are both traditionalist in every single manner right down to caste, religious beliefs, family custom and God fearing devout Hindus they still want me to celebrate Valentines day with a girl. Now given the girl is of their choosing and this is more like a arranged marriage date then an actual V-day date, I still find the whole situation totally amusing. I would crack jokes on this but their high fever pitched emotions tell me I should leave the amusing hypocrisy of this situation alone. Ah hell, maybe when I am out drinking with the lads I’ll regale every 1 with this.
14th feb morning,
Dad gives me 30k cash(not kidding…that much extra cash for a friggin’ date with a girl which is not even in a relationship with me) and his personal credit card to pick up the tab. I am complete;y dumbfounded, my dad has never given me more then 2-3k EVEN for emergencies. While I am still comprehending the huge pile of cash that has been given to me, my mum brings me a freshly minted new tailored suit and a spanking new pair of leather shoes. WOW…….i knew they like this girl but now its clear that their sights are set. The message couldn’t have been made more clearer to me if it was spoken through a bullhorn right into my ear. “Don’t screw this up!” and I was gonna oblige.
This naturally puts me under pressure, though I am high on hanging out with a fun, interesting good-looking girl (I have met her twice before and have been actively chatting on the phone, I have developed a decent idea of what shes like) the money, the clothes have made me nervous. And my mind shuts down whenver I am nervous, and this is not good. I try relaxing by taking care of the first most basic thing.
Q:Where to take her?
A: that’s simple; I would book a table at the Valentine party/event happening at the one of the 2 major hotels in the city. Any1 who has even a little bit of game knows that first couple of dates are for building rapport and a connection and best place to do it is not sitting across each other in darkened room. A social event with other ppl around keeps her comfortable and allows her to relax which makes your job 90% easier. I contemplate asking what my newly married friends have in mind and connecting with them as a double date to further take the edge of things. I call and find out that only 2 are available and these 2 are like old aunties when It comes to matters like these. Seriously not even my relatives have bothered me about marriage as much as these 2 lads. 1 of them (lets call him Spy) has nothing else to talk about these days other then family stuff or household items, not to mention the dude has lost at least 40 IQ points over the last year. Its almost painful communicating with him and I honestly hope that he snaps out of it because he use to be an awesome lad. SO the double date’s and hotel parties are no-go. I ask if any1 else I knw (at this point of my life every1 I knw my age i knw of is married) is throwing a house party or dinner event, no such luck. Great , now I dnt wonna go to any of the hotel parties because I dnt want to run into these 2 tools I mentioned earlier or for God’s sake some other artifact from my past. I can’t afford to blow this, I need a plan. Plan comes to me, I remember a family friend whos the floor manager at one the hotels in the city. After much delibiration and a 5k tip guarantee I get a table reserved at the most exclusive restuarant in the city (according ot him).
I pick Misty up and drive to the restaurant and take the escalator off to the 7th floor to the restaurant. Nothing as off note happens yet, pleasantries are exchanged, we both compliment each other on our looks (I drop in a extra one to be safe) and give her the roses I plucked from my mum’s garden. She looks happy and things are looking great as we walk into the place, and the first debacle happens. The entire place is really damply lit with candles everywhere. Great i didn’t want this kinda setting, but I anticipated this and had my meal prebooked(you can do this at fancy places)to include only platters, other sharable snacks and some sushi. I dnt wonna sit across at a distance from her as I am afraid that’ll create tension and awkwardness(biggest attraction killers). The sitting arrangement is horrible for my needs. I relentlessly hound KM(the family friend/floor manager) to transfer me to the round corner table which has a couch where I reckon we both can sit down in a relaxed manner side by side. He transfers us after I threaten to call his mum over his lack of subordination and promise of a even bigger tip. He tells me that the table’s booked and I only have 3 hrs or less on it, I tell him to relax and that I’ll be off with the the wine in less then 2 hrs to the balcony setup I had gotten arranged(me Gusta!). The couch is comfortable and food is predictable great, KM brings the wine ( a 15k bottle, most expensive liqour that I have ordered in my life) pours it in our glasses and the it begins.
10.20 : She asks me what I wanted to become when I was growing up? I tell her a rap superstar, she laughs. I ask her what’s its like being a journal, she asks me about VFX in movies.
10.40 : She mentions a few childhood memories that she heard from my mum, she inquires if those are true. I tell her I would tell her but then I would have to kill her. She finds that funny.( So far so good I say to myself)
10:50 : I notice that she is looking much more at east then when she came in. Signs are good the conversations have mostly revolved around casual flirting so far. First serious question of the night comes. She asks me about my views on pre-nuptial agreement, I tell her it varies from situation from situation and that while it makes sense for movie stars to get one its completely out of tune for working class couples as their wealth and assets will be build by cooperative efforts.
She asks a couple of similar questions about investing and city I prefer to live in.
11:05 :The talk is getting a bit too serious, so I change it by telling her that she looks much beautiful with hair down. She smiles, i tell she can win any man’s heart with that smile of hers or empty any pocket. She tests me by questioning my love of PC games (haha. This is the most common thing I am teased about by women) . I have so many responses for this I pause for a sec. I tell her that the games are the rock and roll of our generation and I am mere mortal that’s in love with them. Besides only stuck up boring ppl didn’t like rock and roll back in the day right?
11:10 She would continue to test me about various stuff and I continue to tease her back. Then it happens, where I think it all began. She asks she if I like stand ups, I tell her if I had money I would invite Russell Peters at the wedding to perform. She says she loves his work and asks about which other stand ups I like. I mention a few names and then she mentions she finds George Carlin jokes about God completely classless and disgusting and proceeds to ask me about my views on him and his work. THIS IS A RED FLAG, there’s no right answer to it….so I just avoid answering by saying I haven’t seen or heard enough about him to have any opinion and all I know is that he’s and Atheist.
11: 15 Religion and politics are dark topics and I am not discussing them here and now, I make a concentrated effort by commenting on the ambience music and asking her if she likes trance or dubstep. Then she mentions something kinda sacres me a little.
11:17 She mentions she’s been following my facebook and twitter activity and read many of the stuff that I have written to my friends and on public pages.
She’s been facestalking me? I ask myself is that normal? But she’s taking a interest in knowing me and when a girl does that It means that she’s at least considering it. I ask her what did she think about it?
11:19: She says that the way I communicate is very confrontational and everything has an edge or attempted humor and ridicule. I remain silent. She also questions how can I call my friend with such means names. I am little amused by this, I mean that’s just how guys talk what’s so special about it. I tell her it does appear mean on the outside but its just a guy thing, nothing real to wrap ones head around. She says so that’s how I will start talking to her friends,brother or dad once I get to know them. Ok, its getting weird now, this is gotta be test I tell to myself, shes just f*cking with me. Well definitely to the dog, he’s ugly and I am gonna tease him about it. Shes not pleased by that joke. A couple of awkward moment go by and I hit my emergency shoot. The balcony table that I have set up for us to drink wine and chat privately. My original plan was to wait till around midnight but I can’t wait any longer.
11:30 I tell her I got a surprise for her and ask her accompany me to the balcony, she seems a little stiff but obliges to my request. We go the balcony and her visibly lights up after seeing the setup. I breath a sigh of relief, phew that was close.
11:40 Things are again going great but she seems stuck on my Fb profile. Now I seriously don’t like talking about online or about social media in these settings and I keep trying to push it off. But her intent is stuck on the matter like a British pitbull’s jaw. I decide to answer a couple of questions and use the material to change the topic.
11:45 She mentions that I discuss football and sports in general a lot. I ask so “So what’s your favorite athlete? She says she doesn’t follow sports much but Tiger use to be her favorite before you knw…..last year. She also mentions CR7 and Messi but that she doesn’t know which teams they actually play for. I tell her they play for clubs in Spain but Cr7’s team is full of prom queens and Messi’s team is full of drama queens and that the real football happens in England and the best FC team is Arsenal by a mile. She says shes never heard of Arsenal, I ask her how can she expect to succeed as a journal with this kind of piss ass Gk. She asks me if Arsenal’s the English club that Beckham use to play for? I tell her no, Beck use to play for Manchester United. She chimes in with “Oh yeah I heard of them, Red Devils or something right?” I pour half a glass of wine down my throat to digest that.
11.55: Everything starts to go downhill from now on.
She mentions that one of her friend’s friend knows me and that she did not have favorable words for me. I tell her you can’t please every1 in this world, what can I do. The topic jumps back to my FB profile and that maybe its because I say cruel stuff to ppl. I ask if she found anything I said to her “cruel”? She says no but illustrates a few examples of text I wrote. I don’t wonna get into this, this is boring and won’t really help my case. Iask her(in a teasing manner) if she would like to learn writing cruel (this is so funny) words so maybe she can use them on ppl she doesn’t like. She says she above this kinda stuff, I just blankly stare at her. Wow, some1’s gonna become uptight, but this is the normal behavior for ppl who pursuing a doctorate. They think their higher education makes them smarter then ever1 else, which is totally bullshit, it just proves they know a lot about a single subject. Anyways I grew up with parents which have multiple doctorates between them and I am use to this kind of personality.
12:00 Around midnight when i was expecting us to be looking deep in each other’s eyes instead she is almost in a verbal assault. From my topics of interests, art, work, music, fashion to facial hair is being targeted. I am trying to calm the situation, shes clearly gotten upset by something and i am listening and waiting for my change to calm her down.
12:10 Its not ending, she has started arguing with herself. Now you would ask, How does one do that? Well she says something and then counters it 3 lines later with something else and proceeds to get upset over it. I would give examples but it was just too fast and insane to keep track off. I am totally quiet at this moment. Party shocked all I can do is look in her eyes.
12:15 She informs me “Going to the bathroom, I’ll be back”
12:16 I gather myself up and try to make sense of that past hour . How did it go from gold to garbage?
12:20 She’s back and it looks like shes got a whole new face. The pleasant one from earlier that I remember was back and I apologize for upsetting her. I didn’t know what had caused it but it (the outburst) didn’t make sense. As I have observed women are pretty smart at picking up if they did something wrong and will fix it themselves and you dnt really need to point that out like a smart ass. I do the smart thing by apologizing and reaffirming her, besides she was back smiling and that’s all I really care about.
12:30 I am taking things slow and being very careful, finally the fb profile topic is dropped and I am glad for it. I make tell me about her work and the various challenges that she faces.
12:45 Pretty regular stuff, she tells me about her work, her studies, professors, friends and yadi yaddi yadda.
12:50 Shes been constantly talking for 20min. without any breaks and had gotten visibly riled up(yes by taking with herself) . I run interference by asking her to look below to the pool and the dancing happening around it. Now I am afraid of heights (I can’t even handle 2 floors high) and we are on the 7th floor. I did not think this through and I look down with her. My knees buckle and my neck muscles involuntarily snap as i tightly grip the railing to keep me from falling.
12:52 I stagger back from the ledge and take a seat on the chair. Now I have always gotten some sort of sympathy and caring from women about my fear of heights but that high fevered conversation with herself has devoid her of basic femininity> She says what kind of a grown man has a fear of heights and what kind of an idiot with that fear is afraid a measly 7 floors. I am again a little dumbfounded (I am not at all use to it) but gather enough sense to tell “well that is a little cruel”.
12:55 The self debate/talk begins again and its directed at me, Its almost like watching some1 with split personality, or maybe like ying or yang sides of a person verbally arguing with each other. I slurp wine to calm myself so that I can maybe derail this crazy train that’s going out of control infront of me. She starts over me drinking wine as I had just had reaction and how stupid I am to drink in my current situation. Before I can get a work out, her other side interferes for my side but only makes it worse.
1:00 Alright something’s wrong with this girl or maybe it was the wine. But I have been the one drinking, she’s only had like 2 glasses, I ask if we can go back inside, she accuses me of running from my issues. This is really nuts, I step inside and excuse myself to the men’s room so I can wash my face with cold water and run some hot water on my now trembling hands.
1:02 I step inside and literally drop my face in the fancy sink splashing cold water in an effort to regain my senses. After a good 40 sec. of that I raise my head up to see my face in the mirror and almost jump from terror. She is standing right BEHIND ME inside the men’s room.
1:03 What are you doing? This ain’t a night club you can’t do that get out! She says what the hell is wrong with me and that I can’t even wash myself up properly and proceeds to take tissue paper out to wipe my wet face.
1:04 I had to basically push her to make her leave the men’s toiler alone. I dry myself and come out a little pissed off. Shes sitting at our table with arms crossed and an swollen face. I go over to it and without sitting down tell her “are you nuts? That is no way for an adult to react”
1:05 She tries to say something but I say “Not just what you did in their but for the past hour”. “Are you upset about something? Is something bothering you? Something you want to talk about” I am hear all night if you want to talk
1:06 She picks up her wine glass and seems about to say something but just at that moment her eyes sorta snap and a vein on her forehead inflates. She throws the entire glass of wine IN MY FACE and proceeds to walk out of the place.
1:07 I try and follow her but the manager stops me asking about my bill, I just give him the credit card my dad gave me and run after her.
1:08 I catch up to her stand infront of her to block the forward way and ask her “What’s wrong, what is it that’s bothering you?” One needs to be a little persistent with women to get them to open up. I ask with more insistence “if there is some1 else she likes or does she feel she got pressurized into coming to his date?” Again no answer. I remain silent…
1:09 I keep remaining silent and keep the way shut. She’s about to say something I can feel it.
1:10 She demands I move out her way with an audible grunt.
1:11 I stand in complete shock as she walks up the lift, waits for it to come up glances at me once and then gets in on it.
1:13 I walk back to the restaurant as I remember to get the card back and also to pickup some other stuff. Every1 in the place looks at me shocked as I walk in drenched in expensive wine looking like Nadal after losing to Novak yet again.
1:14 The waiter asks me about my wine, I am not paying attention to anything right now. I am just completely stumped by the turn of events. He asks me again, I look up to him take the bottle and tip him without looking. I don’t care anymore.
1:18 I come down the lobby and find Misty sitting at one of the couches, probably waiting for whoever is coming to picking her up. I walk up her gingerly and offer to drop her back to her parents house as it was pretty late. I say we don’t have to talk or anything I’ll just drive her back. Its late and she would wonna get to bed. Misty looks at me with somewhat of a friendly gaze. Thinks about it shrugs, picks up her purse and says “lets go.” It gives me a little joy.
1:30 We are driving back and the whole situation is awkward and confusing, I try and catch a glance of her face but its not easy as she looking the other way.
1:40 We get to her place and I try and make eye contact. She doesn’t look at me just opens the door and starts to get out. I open my door get out quickly and call her name. She replies with an “You’re an asshole” and walks through the front door.
As I sit here and try to make sense of the events of this night and her behavior. My mind is so hammered that Its refusing to analyze anything. I am literally unable to process anything at this point. I have so many questions?
What the hell went wrong? She seemed perfectly normal and excited at the start. I would ask myself if I did anything wrong and I may have but her behavior was clearly out of order with reality. It was too out their. Maybe she was faking it or maybe she had stuff on her mind. But no, she seemed perfectly normal at the start so why would she intentionally blow a date to this proportion. Especially after I suggested I am ok if she’s already seeing some1 else. I don’t know its already gotten too long and my head is hurting, All I am gonna do right now is finish that wine bottle and pass out on the bed. Once the light of the situation breaks on the parents I knw I will have a lot of explaining to do about my first Valentine’s day date. And its also actually why I am posting it here,I need some second opinions.